Lame. The title of my autobiography.

For some reason, over the past few days, these...older gentlemen have started seriously hiting on me on Facebook.

Like any girl with low self esteem, I've friended a lot of people I don't actually know but know other people I know. Two of them happen to be...well, they're old. The first, Alaska (guess where he lives) is 44 and a teacher in bum-fuck no-where. The other, hmm, what to call him...let's go with Cript Keeper, is who knows how old (when does grey hair start?).

Alaska seriously bumped up the light flattery to whole-hearted 'I want in your pants' verbage. I mean he started telling me graphic things that he wanted to do to me and my ancestors. What the huh? And Cript Keeper has begun commenting on every single one of my FaceBook posts and has made attempts to schedule get-togethers with me (including trying to seduce me with free booze. That bastard).

Why? Why do they want me all of a sudden? Bubbles thinks it's because they want me to have their babies. Oh hush, Bubbles. This vagina is a baby-free zone.

On the other front, I have another another guy from Match.com that wants to text with me. He's 5 feet 6 inches tall, so he might as well be shorter. Shorty is sweet, and a dog lover (cha-ching!). But our texting is minimal so far. That's fine so far.

Marysville Man, though...oh man I have a thing for him. We had one or two texts over the last few days. And today I said "oh, hey, I'm going to be in Marysville on Sunday. Would you like to do something?" Miss Non-chelaunt. Liar. No plans in Marysville. I just want to see him and lip lock for about an hour. Or four.

He said "that'd be good". Wow, I am so way too...what's the word for being willing to jump at any opportunity to see a handsome man, including lying about having plans a half hour away? Stupid. That's it.

And that's it for now. Two men with body fluids so old they come out as powder, a man who can look me straight in the neck, and dry conversation from a man I'm an idiot for.

Where's the pathetic bar? How do I stop...well, lowering it even more?