Hope Springs Eternal

This weekend was one of surprising...well, good things! Saturday, Curling Boy took me out to lunch at a Thai restaurant. Afterwords, he wanted to take me for a walk through a park. The snow was very slushy, and the ground incredibly soggy. The woods reminded me so much of where I grew up, and I shared some wonderful childhood memories of the place. He held my hand, was sweet, and said he was sorry for the slush, but he thought it originally was a romantic idea.

Wow - he used the 'r' word.

He then invited me back to his place for a while.

Calm down, ladies. I'd been to his place a couple times before (actually, I do think that it was twice before). He sat on his couch, and I curled up next to him, lying down, with my head kinda against his lap. I put his arm around me, and we held hand. Our other hands occasionally held each other, sometimes I just left my hand on his knee.

I know, really exciting for a high-schooler, huh? (Hahaha).

After two episodes, he took me home, and I gave him a silly lollypop as a gift. He walked me to my door and then...wait for it......ready?....He slipped me some tongue! I know, right?! It was a quick little "woop!" during our usually boring pecking.

I'm still all a-twitter (snort).

I messaged him that I had a really good time, and that I really liked our goodbye kiss. He messaged back, "I really enjoyed that kiss too ;) ".

Ooooo, a wink!!! I'm all a-flutter now!

Saturday i was also feeling ballsy, and I texted Marysville Man. Ahhh! What was a thinking?! So I texted him (stop rolling your eyes at me): "Ok, I'm feeling ballsy, so I'm just going to say it. I'm attracted and intreaged by you. I had a great time with you last week, and I'd like to see you Sunday".

Aaaand time went by. I really wanted to killed myself, I was feeling so vulnerable.

He finally got back to me today (Sunday) at 4:12 in the afternoon. Shut up, it was via text and I have a record of it.

He replied: "I appreciate you being forward and I think you're pretty cool but I haven't been in a good place this last week. I've seen that I've got things in my life I need to work on. Sorry if I 'm over sharing."

Was anybody else as frustrated by his poor punctuation?

And OMG he finally responded. I was feeling like this was kinda a blow-off. My response: "No, you aren't, and I appreciate you at least contacting me back. I know right were you're at and it sucks so bad, and I'm so sorry."

Shut up, I suck at grammer.

His response: "It's ok, I appreciate that you understand".

Me: " Are you interested, at least, in seeing me again?".

Him: "Yeah, I'd like to hang out again sometime".

So...maybe I can see him again. Maybe. I hope. Maybe...... I hope...

I haven't responded to him yet. How should I respond? Should I suggest something? No, not feeling that one. Maybe I'll just say to him that he should tell me when he wants to do something. No, not feeling that either. Aaahh, bleh! How do I respond???

I'm confused, but feeling better about things. Let's see what happens.

Lame. The title of my autobiography.

For some reason, over the past few days, these...older gentlemen have started seriously hiting on me on Facebook.

Like any girl with low self esteem, I've friended a lot of people I don't actually know but know other people I know. Two of them happen to be...well, they're old. The first, Alaska (guess where he lives) is 44 and a teacher in bum-fuck no-where. The other, hmm, what to call him...let's go with Cript Keeper, is who knows how old (when does grey hair start?).

Alaska seriously bumped up the light flattery to whole-hearted 'I want in your pants' verbage. I mean he started telling me graphic things that he wanted to do to me and my ancestors. What the huh? And Cript Keeper has begun commenting on every single one of my FaceBook posts and has made attempts to schedule get-togethers with me (including trying to seduce me with free booze. That bastard).

Why? Why do they want me all of a sudden? Bubbles thinks it's because they want me to have their babies. Oh hush, Bubbles. This vagina is a baby-free zone.

On the other front, I have another another guy from Match.com that wants to text with me. He's 5 feet 6 inches tall, so he might as well be shorter. Shorty is sweet, and a dog lover (cha-ching!). But our texting is minimal so far. That's fine so far.

Marysville Man, though...oh man I have a thing for him. We had one or two texts over the last few days. And today I said "oh, hey, I'm going to be in Marysville on Sunday. Would you like to do something?" Miss Non-chelaunt. Liar. No plans in Marysville. I just want to see him and lip lock for about an hour. Or four.

He said "that'd be good". Wow, I am so way too...what's the word for being willing to jump at any opportunity to see a handsome man, including lying about having plans a half hour away? Stupid. That's it.

And that's it for now. Two men with body fluids so old they come out as powder, a man who can look me straight in the neck, and dry conversation from a man I'm an idiot for.

Where's the pathetic bar? How do I stop...well, lowering it even more?

Foot in Mouth Syndrome

Something about digital dating makes me more likely to really, really say stupid things that I regret. Last night while IM'ing with Curling Boy we somehow got onto the topic of penis size (thank you Austin Powers for that segue). We got to talking about the Swedish Made Penis Enlarger...and he said something about size not mattering...and I mentioned my eraser-sized exboyfriend....and that's when it got weird.

Oh man. Yeah, I the suck.

The thing about digital dating is that allows you (or maybe it's just me) to be bolder than you would be in real life. You wink at guys that you would be too intimidated to even be caught looking at in real life. You flirt, and actually imagine that you are on the same rung of the social ladder. And then he responds....And bam you're back in high school, face beat red, after having been given the "yeah right" look by the hot jock.

On another note, Marysville Man and I texted a little last night. I was very antsy, feeling like his layoff would be the mechanism of our drifting apart (nooo!!!). My roommate (let's call her Bubbles - it's cuz of your laugh, honey) said "why don't you text him?" Oh Bubbles. I was so ready to make the move. I texted him: "Hi. Thinking of you. Hope you're staying warm with all the snow."

And I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And cursed Bubbles a few times.

And then a half hour later he responded. (Phew!) and it began with "Yessum". (Did he kinda just call me ma'am?) Insert my deflated heart.

We then kinda texted. I was responding whole-heartedly. He...was succinct but still nice. Oy. I wish I could read men's minds.

So here's my digital dating temperature: major head-smacking conversation with Curling Boy, and somewhat one-sided conversation with Marysville Man.

Yeah. Way to suck.

You know what? I think I'm just a little too eager. I kinda miss being in a relationship. I miss the emotional intimacy, and the emotional side of having "relations" with a man. And then the snuggling. Oh man, I miss snuggling! Curling Boy is just way too uncomfortable with snuggling, and I've only had the one date with Marysville Man, and it wasn't a snuggle-worthy date.

I'm going to try to mantra myself down from this eagerness. Let's see how long that works.

The Road So Far Traveled

When I first tried online dating two years ago it went...well unsuccessfully. Both of my major relationships as an adult began from introductions from friends. I'll let you assume how those went.

I'm giving this online dating another shot, originally at the urging of my stepmother (whom I love dearly).

So I created accounts with two major online dating websites: Match.com and OkCupid.com. Surprisingly, things have been very productive, and I've been on my fair share of first dates. One relationship began with a fellow (let's call him The Father - he has 3 kids, he's not a priest). The Father and I hit it off with lightening and it became hot and heavy very quickly. He stole my heart, and then showed me his incredible emotional baggage, which I was willing to work on with him. Then he turned around and said "I've decided to not see anyone until I get things worked out" - the day after Christmas. Via text. While I was recovering from surgery.

Yeah, ass.

I've gone on about 9 dates now with another guy (Curling Boy). He's very sweet, and I enjoy being with him, but the man moves at a snail's pace. I've met his friends, even went to one of their birthday parties. I'm introduced as the person Curling Boy has been seeing. That's fine. The most action I've gotten is a peck on the lips and a hug. I gotta say - this leaves me confused and.... unsatisfied. About a week and a half ago he asked me when I'd be ready to make our relationship official on FaceBook. What? I didn't know we were there yet. "Let's talk about it when we see each other tomorrow". His response in person? "I was just joking". No you weren't, babe. You're hurt and vulnerable and don't want to show me that I hurt you.

At the birthday party three days ago I met his ex. They did a joint gift to the birthday boy. Yeah, he's still hung up on her. I mentioned to him after the party that it's ok to make a move. His response? "I'm not ready yet".

Ok, I'm losing my patience, and sanity on this one.

And then there's my newest, and the one I am really liking. Marysville Man. Oh my goodness, he is one sexy piece of sexy. We met on OkCupid, and after a few days of emails on the website moved up to texting. Texting, texting, and then finally had our first date on Sunday. He took me to a family arcade place. We played Skeeball, arcade games, mini golf, and he gave me all his points at the end. We went to dinner, had a nice time, and then had a very, very sweet good night kiss that left my heart pounding and made me wish he didn't have to go. Oh yes, I do like Marysville Man. I can almost see our future wedding, someone telling the story of our first date and how he gave me all his arcade points. (Yes, it's silly, I'm a girl, shut up).

And last night we were texting and he told me he just got laid off. Frack. I asked him if instead of going out to dinner and a movie for our next date (as we had discussed) if he'd like to come to my house and see a movie. He replied that he needs to cut all his spending until he has unemployment worked out and possibly a job. I completely understand that in my head. In my heart I'm wailing "now it's never going to work out! he's going to become morose about his layoff, and we'll just end up drifting apart!!".

Yes, I know, I already stated I'm a girl. I overthink these things sometimes.

So that's where I'm at. Feeling confused and...well confused. And secretly wishing I could read minds (but had an off-switch).