Wait, what?

Well it's been an interesting week, ladies. Lots to share, and maybe you can help me understand, well, what the hell happened!

Over the weekend was a big event for a medieval group I am a part of. I worked the weekend, introducing the concepts of our organization to folks off the street. Yes, I'm a big 'ol geek. But I love it.

I invited Curling Boy to attend. I figured that if we were going to be seeing each other, and possibly moving forward, that he needed to see this, see me in this, and understand just how incredibly important the medieval stuff is to me. So he said he would come. He even said he would make something for the potluck after-party on Saturday. Color me impressed!

We messaged a bit (as he doesn't text - how do you not text??), and he said he would be there mid to late morning. I worked my booth, smiled, chatted, did my dance. No Curling Boy. Color me anxious. I check messenger - he's slept late and still needs to cook, he'll be there just after lunch. Ok, great, thank you for the update. I relax a little, and get back to work. And time passes. And passes, and still no Curling Boy. I'm anxious again.

Maybe I should interject here about why I'm so anxious. This medieval stuff, well, it's my bliss. My guilt-less ecstasy. The last 'normal' guy I hit it off with and introducted him to this side of me ran off screaming like I was a drooling zombie. And yet he accepted my fascination with zombies with no problem. Go figure.

So Curling Boy not showing up, delaying a few times with me, made me worried this was him running away from the zombie. Finally, around 4:30, he shows up. Oy vey. I'm now a little frazzled, a bit impatient, a bit pissy, achy, and ready to open the bottle of Lambic in my basket. As I was still working, I threw a tunic on him and sent him into the world while I wrapped some things up. We then took a circut of the site, introducing him to the wonderful people in my life.

And then we went to court, and surprise, surprise I got an amazing award. I must say, it was so wonderful to have someone to share that moment with. It's funny how we forget how wonderful it is to share those things with someone. Now I'm feeling all squishy inside; a purring cat.

Time for the potluck. We get our plates, sit with some of my great friends, and get to noshing. Sitting with us are Fleetwood Mac, her boyfriend Sprite, Boudica, and Siren (whom I am going to be living with). We're all chatting, having fun, and blah blah blah. Siren starts talking about something (I'll be honest, I didn't catch it, I was a little in my cups), and Curling Boy piped up with "I should introduce you to my ex, I think you two would have fun talking about that." Insert my jaw, fallen to the ground, flies able to buzz in and out of it.

Are you kidding me?? No. My friends. Not your ex's friends. Mine. She doesn't get to meet them. She doesn't get to even know if they have a shared interest. These are mine, and she can't have them. And you bring up your ex, in general? Come on. Babe, I know you two were together for a long time, but really - you've got to seperate yourself and be your own individual here. You can't always be "blah-blah's ex".

I thought about it the next day as I was back at the event, and all day Monday. My conclusion is that he must still be in love with her. I share my thoughts with Siren, who brings up another good point, which was like a dull haze in the back of my head until she shined some light on it. I act much, much more reserved around Curling Boy. I'm not the wild, energetic, free spirit I usually am. What's up with that? I ponder that some, and I think it's the issue my therapist and I have been working on for almost three years - my insaine need to have people like me. I will change my character to fit what I think people will like. I hate that. I thought I was over that.

"I'm ending it with him," was my solution. I prepared this whole schpiel in my head about how I like him but his still loving 'blah-blah' was hurting me. So I go to his house Monday night. I start my schpiel, and he interjects, "I don't think I'm still in love with her, but she was a big part of my life. Please be patient with me, and I really like you, too, and don't want this to end."

Oh I'm such a big baby. I can't hurt him. I do, honestly, like him. Yes, he's got moves that make a snail look fast, but he's very sweet and I like being with him. He then pulls me into his arms and holds me, rubbing my back, saying that he's glad I came over to talk, and other things that escape my memory. He then says that he'd like to start introducing me as his girlfriend. Ok, that shocked me. I made a non-commital noise, kinda blown away by it.

Aaaand then he says "and at some point I'd like to figure out how to get you in the sack". WOW!! My inner southern lady (yes, I have one) wants to bolt up and say, "my word!" with rightous indignation. And another, smaller, wickeder part of me is cackling, saying "about time".

Guess who I listen to? That's right.

So after about an hour of cuddling and talking, I need to head home. He gives me some kisses. More tongue than ever, but still that damn quick, pecky thing. I get in my car and drive home, asking myself how the hell all this happened. I go there to end things and end up his girlfriend. It's now time to call Siren.

Siren then gave me some incredibly good advice - I have two options. I can end things with him, or give him the opportunity to know the real me, and possibly like the real me. My god, she amazes me. (I'm really quite lucky to have such smart friends.)

I think it through, and I decide that it would be a shame to throw away a potentially good relationship because of me being afraid, or whatever it is I'm feeling.

And so I stand before you a girl in a relationship. A somewhat dismayed, confused girl, but wrangled.

Curling Boy, it seems, was wicked fast about posting on FaceBook his new relationship status. Did you know his mom is friends with him on FB? Well she is. And she's quite delighted in her son's accomplishment.

And to make me even more confused, Marysville Man has popped back up. That's right. He's texting me again. Being kinda...aloof? But present and, uh!, fracking tempting. Stop that, S! (that's me, ladies) I'm going to jump into this new relationship with both feet and make an honest effort here. I'm going to keep track of how things go, and how I feel, and assess things after two weeks. If I still can't step up and be myself I need to end things. I absolutely hate the idea of hurting Curling Boy (wimp), but I need to be true to myself.

And I'm moving soon and it sure would be great to have him help out with that.